How time creates generational divides and resentment

        As people, we share a standard set of emotional responses, so why do the young think the old don’t understand how they feel? Is it a lack of shared pop culture? Maybe the old are tired of listening to a newly discovered insight that wasn’t new ten years ago. I stopped telling my old stories when they ceased to be a part of my evolved self. I work in hospitality, and new coworkers get younger over the years faster than in other professions. I love the fresh faces, and they hold me accountable. My hope is that the newbies want to learn, gain experience, and become better at sharing knowledge. The nature of the work is ripe for repetitive training and conversation. So, when I complain about how younger people don’t understand, it is because they lack long-term perspective.

        Time spent on the planet has value. It is rare for a newbie to crack open a fresh solution. When decisions are made, unintended consequences are expected, but harmful consequences are more likely to occur due to insufficient experience. Older people have dealt with more situations and sometimes find themselves handling a narrow range of problems repeatedly. The familiarity of a repeating problem creates opportunities to learn how the problem occurs and experiment with preventative measures or mid-crisis solutions. People with this kind of problem-solving experience can seem dismissive toward those who are encountering the issue for the first time.

        Youth is not the only source of inexperience. I would not ask my dentist how they would perform a colonoscopy. An understanding of technology and social media is not guaranteed by a birthday—a person's training and use of information matter. Also, the problem may be an inability to listen or effectively communicate. Most technical problems need to be defined by words before a solution can be found, so it is a people problem from the start. Put your ego on hold until it is needed. An authority title at any age does not make you correct; it makes you responsible. And artificial intelligence will not replace all problem people.

        It is too often true that older people have developed bad habits and are unwilling to learn new things. But people of all ages share an unwillingness to listen and an apathy toward work. Any employee is a bad fit when they refuse to learn or get burned out. Quiet quitting has been around much longer than the term. It seems the young are better at creating names for unlabeled behavior. Work environments still operate within the same parameters, but new technology and labels get added over time. The approach to fixing workplace snags requires savvy management. Unfortunately, managers are people and will create a workplace that matches their attitude.

        An unwillingness to communicate is widespread among many people. No one wants to be the bad guy, address conflict, get fired, or feel they need to quit after speaking up and pointing out problems. A power imbalance usually exists between those with complaints and those who have the final say, and age isn’t always the disconnect. If there is a communication gap, a dysfunctional relationship is inevitable. What should be a transfer of knowledge becomes a shouting match or silence, depending on the preferred aggression style of those involved. Instead of a cooperative partnership, a competition for problem-solving authority replaces the actual problem.

        Many topics create tensions between age groups, but how we behave is where change can start. If the go-to attitude is hostility, finding common ground is impossible. It can be entertaining to generalize the stupid traits of whatever generation when talking to peers, but it is a trite way to express disbelief or frustration. Generalized judgment of a group of people has several names, so there is no need to make new terms. I am not talking about political or ideological disagreements, though a bias unrelated to the problem can be a deal-breaker for cooperation and compromise. Let us stop justifying lousy behavior and promote patient and civil discourse. Finding solutions will not happen if we bitch to the choir, and getting old is the destiny of the young.

The uduforu blog promotes stress reduction by acknowledging that problems exist and finding solutions. Visit uduforu.com for more about Martin E. Dodge and get email updates. The uduforu blog and uduforu vlog post every first of the month. Follow social media for uduforu on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.