Find your Words to Reduce Stress and Solve Problems

        The words to express ourselves can be elusive when the situation is overwhelming or new. Or perhaps some layers form a problem that is difficult to define. It is easy to be dismissive or cast blame, but if the negativity of the thing persists, it is a problem you must resolve. Analyzing the problem requires careful consideration, and finding the words to communicate takes time. When searching for a resolution, remember your role and determine if your reaction contributes to the problem. Then, try to define the external elements causing friction. Finding the right words can inspire collaborative problem-solving when others are stuck in the same muck. Getting better at expressing ourselves reduces stress and improves problem-solving.

        I am a writer, not an armchair therapist. My words are not a substitute for professional guidance if you need help due to an abusive relationship, habit, anger issues, or trauma. And do not rely on self-diagnosis or oversimplified memes. That said, professional guidance is not a way to fish for terms to validate your lousy behavior. The goal here is better communication and less stress for everyone.

        Life is not scripted, so what is spoken during a crazy situation may not be the best or correct. Most people are not trained to respond under pressure. The speaker may display a mix of anger, frustration, and annoyance. The listener may not be the reason or target for those emotions. The context or environment of rushed language is essential to consider. Listen to what is said and look at what is happening at the time. Learn to curb kneejerk emotional responses and allow others space to react without judgment. Also, remember to allow others some response time and resist gaslighting anyone with personal insight. Walking away without judgment and not highlighting a mishap is an option, too. Sometimes, you must let it go.

My top 5 triggers for a flawed or inadequate response from me:

• Low blood sugar or lack of sleep.
• Making a snap decision without adequate knowledge about the situation.
• Interruptions when overwhelmed with tasks that need immediate attention.
• Unreasonable and inflexible deadlines.
• Cleaning up after others before I can do my task.

        I try to think before reacting to one of my top 5 triggers. Taking a moment to evaluate seems impossible, but it becomes easier the more you do it. The task can wait a few seconds. Allowing yourself that moment can reduce your sense of urgency to a reasonable level. With practice, fewer situations will spike your stress, and you will discover better ways to define and talk about triggers. Identifying problems and sharing them with others can foster a team effort to work better together. Logistic planning, role delegation, and tool placement will prevent issues and streamline troubleshooting.

        However, timing is essential when bringing others into the problem-solving process. When it is too late to change course, wait for the situation to play out. Wait for emotions to cool. Wait until the end of the shift or the next day. Better yet, take notes and organize your thoughts before you share. Weigh whether a one-on-one talk versus a group chat is better. You know your people, so don’t force a discussion that causes more problems. Listen and be receptive to other perspectives. Collaborate on solutions and preventative measures. If appropriate, relay the information to absent team members when they return. Avoid getting bogged down with negativity or obsessing over what could have been done. Accept the situation as a learning lesson.

        I did not write this blog without revising it a lot. But we don’t always have the luxury of time and do-overs. Mistakes happen; we speak awkwardly sometimes, and words can be damaging. Recognizing when we are in a difficult moment is a skill that takes practice. Playing at being a know-it-all or never-in-the-wrong is counterproductive. The extra seconds we allow to listen to others and check ourselves are crucial to reducing stress and ensuring proper communication. There will be more testy situations, and we may need to set a higher bar of patience. However, our personal and professional relationships will be stronger and more supportive. You may find a boost of confidence, too.

Visit uduforu.com for more about Martin E. Dodge and get email updates. The uduforu blog and uduforu vlog post every first of the month. Follow social media for uduforu on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.